How I became
a sex therapist

Reflecting on my path to becoming a sex therapist, I realize it was not a deliberate choice but an organic evolution shaped by curiosity and unexpected opportunities.

During my dissertation phase, I struggled to find a compelling topic until a conversation with a friend shifted my focus. She recounted a hookup where the guy didn’t use a condom, and she felt oddly pleased about it. This reaction intrigued me — most people feel relieved when they use a condom, not the opposite.

I began to question why someone might feel happy about not using protection, which led me to explore the complexities of human sexuality and the deeply personal meanings people attach to their sexual experiences.

For my friend, the absence of a condom symbolized a deeper commitment — validating her sense of worth and connection. This realization underscored the importance of understanding how subjective interpretations shape sexual experiences, an insight that became central to my work in sex therapy.

My exploration inspired my dissertation, “The Colonization of Sexuality,” and eventually led to a teaching position at Lewis and Clark College, where I developed and led the sex therapy track for the Marriage, Couple and Family Therapy program.

Despite my academic background, I quickly realized that traditional training lacked practical skills for addressing complex sexual and relational dynamics. Through trial, error, and a great deal of self-study, I developed a more nuanced approach to sex therapy — one that takes seriously the impact of past traumas, relational patterns, and the societal shame that shapes how we understand sex.