Sexual Desire
Why life stress
lowers libido
Low sexual desire is often treated as an internal issue. But for most people, the bigger driver is external — and it’s systemic, relational, and entirely understandable.
Marisol G. Westberg, Ph.D., LMFT
Sex therapist & educator
Low sexual desire is often misunderstood as an internal issue — something broken inside the individual. But external stressors play a significant role, primarily because many people experience responsive desire: a type of desire heavily influenced by emotional and physical well-being.
Gender roles, financial strain, work pressures, health issues, and major life transitions are all particularly impactful. When women in heterosexual relationships carry a disproportionate share of household labor, the resulting stress and fatigue directly diminishes sexual interest.
Mental health conditions and aging add further complexity — underscoring that the path back to desire runs through addressing external stressors, not just the individual.
“Imagine Amy, who juggles a full-time job, a husband, and two young children. She faces work stress, gender-based inequalities, and shoulders 75% of household chores and emotional labor. She is overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed.”
Her low libido is not a disorder. It is a rational response to an unsustainable situation.
How stress suppresses desire
The body’s stress response
When faced with stress, the body activates its fight-or-flight response, releasing cortisol and adrenaline. Elevated cortisol decreases testosterone — a hormone closely linked to sexual desire in both men and women — meaning chronic stress can significantly reduce libido over time.
Mental and emotional exhaustion
Chronic stress can lead to burnout — characterized by fatigue, irritability, and detachment from life’s activities, including sex. Research consistently shows that high stress levels are associated with lower sexual desire and satisfaction.
Impact on relationships
Stress doesn’t just affect individuals — it strains relationships. Couples experiencing financial difficulties, work pressures, or family stress argue more, communicate less effectively, and feel more distant.
Specific stressors that affect sexual desire
Work with me
Is stress affecting desire
in your relationship?
Therapy can help you understand what’s actually driving the disconnection — and how to address it together as a couple.
Book a SessionStruggling with different
desire levels?My step-by-step course addresses desire discrepancy directly from the comfort of your home. Learn practical tools to reconnect and understand each other’s needs — at your own pace, in complete privacy.
