— sex therapy exercises
Changing expectations
Most couples carry unexamined assumptions about what sex should look like. This exercise helps you surface those assumptions, replace them with something you have actually agreed on, and build a shared sexual framework that works for both of you.
← Back to all exercises— step one · do this individually
What makes sex good for you — aside from the physical?
Think about the best sexual experiences you have had. Not just the physical sensation, but everything else — the mood, the connection, what was happening between you and your partner, how you felt before and after. Write it all down.
Partner A — your list
Partner B — your list
— step two · share with each other
Read your lists to each other
Take turns reading what you wrote. Listen without interrupting. Notice what is the same, what is different, and what surprises you.
What do you have in common?
What surprised you about your partner’s list?
— step three · decide together
What are your new expectations for sex?
Based on your lists and your conversation, decide together what your shared values and expectations for sex are going forward. Be specific.
Is good sex going to be determined by penetration and orgasm — or by fun and connection?
Our new shared expectations for sex
Revisit this together after a few weeks — expectations can evolve
— the exercise series
— want guided support?
These exercises work best with a therapist
If you are finding these exercises difficult to navigate on your own, therapy can help you work through the underlying dynamics at your own pace.
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