Dr. Westberg PhD, LMFT
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— sex therapy exercises

Using “I” statements

Practicing open, honest communication is sometimes trickier than it seems — especially when we are dealing with conflict or feeling blamed. “I” statements are a straightforward way to communicate how you feel while owning your emotions and describing the situation as you experience it.

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— the formula

How to construct an “I” statement

When we are upset, we often say hurtful things or things we do not mean while trying to express our needs. This formula keeps you in your own experience rather than attacking your partner’s.

“I feel   [emotion]   when   [situation/context/challenge]”

— examples

Situation

“You always make me late because you never tell me our plans in advance.”

“I” Statement

“I feel stressed out when you do not update me about our plans.”

Situation

“You always talk about your amazing weekend when you know I have no days off.”

“I” Statement

“I feel left out when I cannot join in your weekend plans.”

— fill in the blanks

Practice with these situations

Read each situation and write your own “I” statement response. Then share and compare with your partner.

Situation

A relative asks to borrow money for the third time this week. You are saving for bills and are tight on cash.

Your “I” Statement

Situation

Your neighbor parks across your driveway every day. You have to park on the street and carry heavy groceries up a long driveway.

Your “I” Statement

Situation

A friend cannot make it to your upcoming performance. You have been practicing a special song for them for weeks.

Your “I” Statement

Write your own, then share and compare with your partner

— want guided support?

These exercises work best with a therapist

If you are finding these exercises difficult to navigate on your own, therapy can help you work through the underlying dynamics at your own pace.

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