— sex therapy exercises
How do you cope with distress?
Coping behaviors help us move away from distressing feelings — but avoiding, numbing, or running from feelings can actually make them more intense. And numbing does not allow healing. This exercise helps you identify what you are doing instead of feeling.
← Back to all exercises— the problem with coping
Moving away from feelings makes them bigger
Our coping behaviors are not bad — they developed for a reason. They save us from distress in the short term. But when we consistently avoid, numb, or run from difficult feelings, those feelings do not shrink. They grow.
Numbing also prevents healing. The feelings that drive conflict around sex — the wounding you explored in the previous exercise — cannot heal if they are never actually felt. They just resurface in different forms: irritability, withdrawal, criticism, avoidance.
Common coping behaviors to watch for:
- Binge eating
- Drinking alcohol
- Watching TV or scrolling
- Seeking sex or physical closeness
- Exercising compulsively
- Going out or staying busy
- Excessive thinking or planning
- Obsessing or ruminating
— the exercise · do this individually
Forward approach
Every time you feel your theme — the core wound you identified in Exercise 01 — what do you do? What is your go-to response when that feeling surfaces?
Backward approach
Think about the last time you turned to something for comfort or relief. What were you feeling just before? Work backward from the behavior to the feeling.
What did you do?
What were you feeling just before?
Does that feeling connect to your theme?
Practice this individually, then share what you notice with each other
— the exercise series
— want guided support?
These exercises work best with a therapist
If you are finding these exercises difficult to navigate on your own, therapy can help you work through the underlying dynamics at your own pace.
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