— sex therapy exercises
What input do you want?
This exercise temporarily removes the pressure to have sex — not as a permanent solution, but as a way to create the space and freedom to figure out what you actually want. It replaces a broken dynamic with something you have both explicitly agreed to.
← Back to all exercises— why this step
Removing pressure creates space
The first step is to stop having sex you do not want to have. This is temporary — eventually, having sex when you are not fully in the mood will be possible again. But right now, the goal is to eliminate the pressure, the guilt, and the frustration that have been building.
Reducing the pressure to have sex is not about withdrawing from your partner. It is about changing the relational dynamics and the negative associations that have built up around sex — and giving you the freedom and time to figure out what you actually want.
During this step:
- Your partner will not initiate or ask for sex.
- Any physical connection can stop at any time — you do not need to explain or justify it.
- You take note of what you want — not what you think you should want.
— your worksheet · complete this individually
What kind of contact feels okay right now?
Answer these questions honestly — based on what you actually want right now, not what you think you should want or what would make your partner happy. There are no wrong answers.
What types of physical contact feel okay to you right now?
For example: a hug, a kiss, holding hands, a touch on the arm, sitting close. Be as specific as you like.
Where on your body is it okay for your partner to touch you?
Be specific. It is okay to have boundaries around certain areas right now.
Are there types of contact you do not want at all right now?
It is okay to say no to things. This list is just for this period — it is not permanent.
How will you let your partner know if you want to stop?
A word, a phrase, a gesture — agree on something that is clear and comfortable for both of you.
— sharing with your partner
Once you have your answers, share them
Read your answers to your partner. This is not a negotiation — your partner is listening and accepting, not debating. Their job right now is to understand and agree to what you have written.
A note for the partner receiving this:
The boundaries your partner has set are not a rejection of you. They are a necessary step toward rebuilding something better. Your willingness to honor them — without resentment or pressure — is the most important thing you can do right now.
Remember: any connection can stop and start at any time. There is no obligation to continue once something has begun.
Revisit this conversation as your feelings evolve — what you want may change over time
— the exercise series
— want guided support?
These exercises work best with a therapist
If you are finding these exercises difficult to navigate on your own, therapy can help you work through the underlying dynamics at your own pace.
BOOK A SESSION