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Sex and Relationship Therapy

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Best Sex Therapy Books To Promote Healing

Best Sex Therapy Books

Do It Yourself Sex Therapy

Making a list of the best sex therapy books took a while but I feel like I’ve created a treasure chest. 

These books are my favorite books of all time.  They will help you increase awareness and give you tools to change how you behave, feel, and relate to the people you love.  

Some of these books aren’t related to sex therapy directly but have everything to do with understanding your sexual relationships as well as your relationship with yourself.  Sexuality needs to be understood holistically to be effectively managed.  

Sexual Desire

Come As you ARe

Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

If you are having issues with mismatched desires or frustration regarding your partner’s lack of desire, this is a must-read.

Mating in Captivity

Mating In Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic & the Domestic

This book will show you how to create more desire for your partner by creating more distance.

ACE Asexuality

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex

“This book has been so meaningful to me and has given me the words to describe my experience so much more eloquently that I could myself. I did not realize I was ace until I was in my 30s and even now it is something I’m coming to terms with talking about openly”

Relationships

More than two

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory This book is more of a philosophical book about relationships.  Don’t let the title scare you.  It is also an excellent resource for navigating non-monogamy.

the dance of anger

The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships  Understanding our relational patterns and the ways we cope with anger or distress is detrimental to relationship satisfaction

The state of affairs book

The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity – a book for anyone who has ever loved

“In my opinion this is one of those books that everyone in a relationship should read, whether or not you have been affected by an affair. An eye-opener on the dynamics of love, desire and, well, relationships in and outside of the marriage – the book helps one to orient and not lose themselves in times of conflicts and uncertainty”

Opening UP Book

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

” This book is amazing to start, or continue, your introspection and sharing on open relationship. This is an amazing tool to develop and understand aptitudes related to open relationships. It also helps to understand all the possible relationship arrangements, and demystifies what they are”

Attached

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love

“My husband and I read this book together. It really opened our eyes to each of our attachment styles and why we seemed to be in a constant state of unrest”

Therapeutic Interventions

ACT made simple

ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

You need to let go of shame for emotional peace and relational joy.

EFT

The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection

“Sue Johnson is the world’s leading expert on attachment theory and EFT. This book was written in 2020 so it is scientifically up to date. The author deconstructs the nature of adult attachment and implicitly explains the nature of emotion and behavior. Most of the valuable information is explicitly explained”

Hold Me Tight

Hold Me Tight

“This book is describing my life, my attachment cycles, my unhealthy behaviors, and how to break these cycles in order to better connect & relate with my spouse. A truly profound read”

Healing Fragmented

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation

“As a trauma survivor, and someone in recovery from DID, this book is proving to be so powerful for me. I have read very widely on trauma and have learned a little bit from many authors; but this book goes so much further because Fisher brings together understandings from neuroscience; together with learnings of Internal Family Systems Therapy, the Structural Dissociation model and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, in a way that it’s all so applicable to my daily life”

 

Affect Regulation Theory

Affect Regulation Theory: A Clinical Model

“It gives a concise description of why in any healing relationship the primary focus must be that that the feelings of the client must be ‘held’ by the practitioner. That it is this that enables healing”

Non violent

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

“This book introduce concepts on communication that I’ve never heard or read anywhere else in my life. The principles will challenge you and introduce you to a whole world realizations once you learn. This is excellent for those who want to resolve conflicts, remove communication barriers, and get to know and understand people better. You will not regret buying this book and it is easy to digest while it still very much profound experiences”

Home Coming

Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child

“Anyone looking to discover and heal their inner child should get this book. It is eye-opening when you read it and it as if the book was written specifically for you. It also opens up your awareness discovering that there are so many that have been where you are and shared so many of the same experiences”

Healing the shame

Healing the Shame that Binds You

“This was really an insightful and awesome book to read. It gave me a lot of insight into the emotion of shame and distinguishing between healthy and toxic shame. This book also broke down the timeline of both can develop in childhood how it can be reinforced during schooling years”

Trauma

the body keeps the score

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma If there is any trauma involved in your relationship, this book will help you understand what to do about it.  I regularly recommend this book to my patients.

Sexuality

The New Male Sexuality

Helpful in navigating insecurities and feelings of incompetencies.

Queer Sex

Queer Sex

“One trans-woman’s reflections on sex after bottom surgery. She interviews other trans (post and pre-op) as well as some non-binary individuals about their sexual relationships, which brings some clarity to situations I had given little thought to. It must read if you are considering full transition.”

The Guide to getting it on

Guide To Getting It On

“Husband and I are in our late 30s and hit a plateau in the intimacy department. This book has been a great conversation starter, even for those preferences and dislikes that neither one of us had the courage to be vocal about before.”

Sexual Abuse

Betrayed

Betrayed as Boys: Psychodynamic Treatment of Sexually Abused Men

“While Dr. Gartner specifically speaks to the issues and dynamics of sexually abused men, there is much relavance to clinical work with sexually abused women”

Sexual Healing Journey

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse

“This book has been a Godsend for me. If you follow all the recommendations with counseling, it will change your life. This is a MUST HAVE tool for those wishing to get their life back and learn to leave the past in the past and move forward.”

Addiction

Is it love or addiciton?

Is It Love or Is It Addiction: The book that changed the way we think about romance and intimacy

“I finally know why I have been on this constant path of destruction paralyzed in toxic relationships. This book offers very practical advice, tools, lessons to help you along your path to healing and living a more aligned life”

In the realm of hungry ghosts

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

“This book introduce concepts on communication that I’ve never heard or read anywhere else in my life. The principles will challenge you and introduce you to a whole world realizations once you learn. This is excellent for those who want to resolve conflicts, remove communication barriers, and get to know and understand people better. You will not regret buying this book and it is easy to digest while it still very much profound experiences”

Sex Addiction

Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment

“An admirable attempt to explain the theoretical link between childhood abuse and addictions, focusing on sexual addiction and paraphilia’s, with brain neurobiology as the proving physical evidence in conjunction with cited examples of real case studies.”